it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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