He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
