he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
