"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am one with the molecules
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
