think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
