Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
