I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
