just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
