How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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