ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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