Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's like heaven, but drunker
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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