It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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