And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize