Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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