I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
