I think my vagina is haunted
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
