He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize