i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
