Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
