Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
