The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
