It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize