you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
