dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
