Whatcha textin bout Willis?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize