Im at strip club and am horny
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
