I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
