Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
