"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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