At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
