i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
