worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
