If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
