How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
