Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
