dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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