I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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