hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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