Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize