Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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