you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
