Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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