if only i could text you this smell
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize