Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
No I am not eating basil off your cock
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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