Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
