So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
