how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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