Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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