I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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