I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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