You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
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