Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
