At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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