I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
