In the future we'll all be gay
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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