Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
