Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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