Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
