i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
