I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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