i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
