what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
