2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
