I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize