I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
