peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
