I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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