I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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