i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
