God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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