is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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