no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
